4 Ways to Build Up Your Marriage, by Ty Tamasaka

4 Ways to Build Up Your Marriage – by Ty Tamasaka


In leadership it is important to maintain a strong family and marriage life.  Here are four things that we can do to model a good marriage.   

1 – Eliminate the “d” word from your vocabulary

Don’t use the “D” word (divorce).  Avoid it like the plague.  Instead, use the “C” word, commitment.  It would be a great idea to eliminate the “D” word from your vocabulary entirely.  You need to make an agreement that there are only two types of marriage – a happy marriage and an unhappy marriage.  Refuse to use the “D” word to make threats or to put the other person on the defense.

2 – Use the other “f” word

We are talking about “forgiveness.”  What were you thinking?  Be quick to forgive in marriage.  Ruth Graham, the wife of the great evangelist Billy Graham said, “A great marriage is a union of two great forgivers.”

3 – Pray together

Always be in an attitude of prayer.  If you discover that you don’t feel like praying through an issue, it’s a really good indicator that you shouldn’t be trying to resolve the conflict just yet.  If you continue on, it is more likely that you will speak to each other like adversaries rather than partners.  Hold off.  Wait until you can find God’s grace to help both of you.  Although I did not write this point to be taken literally – that you get on your knees to fight, it actually may not be a bad idea.  Be willing to get on your knees and pray together.    

4 – Don’t fight to win.  Fight to resolve the conflict. 

On a football team, a quarterback’s goal should never be to win over his linebacker… That would be ridiculous!  They are on the same team!  While they might disagree about what plays to make at a given time, the truth is that they are still on the same team!  If the linebacker loses, the quarterback loses.  If the quarterback wins, the linebacker wins.

God created husbands and wives to be on the same team.  That means if your wife loses… you lose.  If your husband loses… you lose too!  Don’t fight to win.  Fight to restore the relationship.  Every time we see our spouse as an opponent the true enemy of our souls, Satan, is very well pleased.  If Satan can convince you that your spouse is your adversary, he’s already won.  Motivational speaker and author Zig Ziglar once said, “Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.”  I couldn’t agree more.

Ty Tamasaka is an author who hold a Master of Arts Degree from Pacific Rim Christian University in Christian Ministry  He is a Bible teacher who loves to encourage people to enjoy Jesus’ grace and extend His Kingdom. Ty just released his new book More than a Conqueror: 5 Pathways to Personal Revival.    


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