16 Lessons from 16 Years of Marriage – by Ty Tamasaka

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Last week Laura and I celebrated our 16 year wedding anniversary.  I thought I’d list some life-lessons I’ve learned through the last 16 years of marriage.  I’m not sure if you’ll agree with all of these or not, but it sure helped carry us through both the great times and some really challenging times.


1 – Pay more attention to her than to your smartphone. Enough said about that one. 


2 – Date times are still very important.  One day our kids will be out of the house and it will be just us again.  Date times are still important to keep us connected around things other than the kids and bills. 


3 – Getting older doesn’t mean we have to be getting weaker.    


4 – She still likes back rubs – and I still give them.  I’m sure she’d like them more, but I’ll continue giving them.


5 – Romance is less spontaneous and more of a discipline.  I don’t feel the need to be romantic, but she still has the need for me to do romantic things.  While it doesn’t flow from me naturally, doing romantic things comes more as a discipline.


6 – Even if you are right doesn’t make it right.  Read that again and think about that one for a while.  Just because I may be right about an issue we argue about (or think I am right), doesn’t give me the right to put her down or treat her badly.  Even if you are right, doesn’t make it right. 


7 – It’s a blessing to me that she has good Christian friends.  Sometimes good godly Christian friends can speak into her life in far better ways than I can.  


8 – Counseling is good to be in – not just to survive bad times, but also to identify and maintain the good times.


9 – Some fights just aren’t worth having.   


10 – If I can’t pray for her, it’s best not to fight with her.  I’m not always successful at this, but it’s important to hold on to this truth.


11 – Jesus went to where he was uncomfortable for his bride – a stable and cross – a good husband goes where it’s uncomfortable for his bride too.


12 – Forgive quickly.  Forgiveness doesn’t get easier but it is still important. Very important.  Forgive quickly.  


13 – It pays off to spoil her.  It really does. 


14 – Try your best to be her hero even when you don’t feel like it


15 – Do your best to make her dreams come true – even if you can’t make them all come true.


16 – Hang on and don’t let go.  There are lots of times in marriage that quitting would be easier, but it’s important to hang on.   

I hope these life-lessons can encourage you to enjoy many happy anniversaries!


Ty Tamasaka is an author who hold a Master of Arts Degree from Pacific Rim Christian University in Christian Ministry  He is a Bible teacher who loves to encourage people to enjoy Jesus’ grace and extend His Kingdom. Ty just released his new book Starting Fresh: Following Jesus on the Adventure of a Lifetime in addition to More than a Conqueror: 5 Pathways to Personal Revival.    




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